Bitter but Sweet

We all go through life hoping that we will become what we want to be and accomplish all that we can. Having a family and being a mom is such a great blessing. Todd and I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children a home and for the most part good health. Audrey and Jaxon have brought so much joy and happiness to us, that making the decision to have another baby was easy for us. Though we both knew that 9 months of throwing up, IV therapy and sleepless nights would in the end all be worth it.
As Todd and I planned our first family trip to San Diego getting pregnant was at the back of our minds. Sea World, Wild Animal Kingdom, and the San Diego Zoo awaited us. Spending the first night in Primm NV was a blast, till Audrey started throwing up and running a fever. The next 6 hours were long and boring. Todd drove and I read a book. Getting to the end of my book crying with every page that I read, Todd turned to me and said, you are so pregnant. He took the next exit and stopped at some dollar store to get a cheep pregnancy test. Who would of thought that a dollar test would show positive and be right. We were pregnant. Needless to say that the rest of the trip went by to fast. But we had a blast. In November I started to get really sick and the Dr wanted me to get on IVs so I would not get dehydrated and that the medicine would work faster. A nurse came to the house and taught Todd how to clean, change, and inject the medicine into the IV. This helped so much with the morning sickness. I was able to take care of Jaxon and Audrey and do a little of the house work. Thanksgiving came and went by. December 6th I started cramping. I called the Dr (my Dr was not on call) he said not to worry that this is normal and to come in tomorrow (it was a Sunday) for a ultra sound. I was really worrying that something might have been wrong. I asked Todd to give me a blessing. Todd and Jake a neighbor and a good friend came over to help with the blessing. Todd and I both knew that I was going to be fine, that I would make it through anything with the love and support from my family and heavenly father. ( In the back of our minds we both new that we would be able to raise our baby, but that it would not be here on earth.) Monday morning I found out that I had miscarried. Our sweet little baby was gone. As I tried to take this all in I called Todd. Through the tears I told him that our baby was gone. I drove home to meet Todd, which felt like a 2 hour drive. When I walked in I fell into his arms and we both cried. Both praying for comfort and for some understanding.

You here about people having miscarriages but never think that it will happen to you. You become bitter, and want to know why and what happened. Nothing makes sense. Heavenly father has a plan for all of us. We know that part of his plan was for us to give our little baby a body. A body was all that was needed. Together as a family we know that we will be able to raise him, get to know, and as Jaxon would say " we can't wait to play with him". Jaxon talks about the baby all the time, so we have given our little baby a name, Hayden. Todd and I both felt that it was going to be a boy. What a sweet little boy Hayden will be. Hayden we think of you often, miss you and can't wait to see you some day. Jaxon and Audrey prays for you every day along with mommy and daddy. We Love you.